Behind the desire to “save” the addict is a cocktail of painful feelings and emotions: fear of losing, shame, guilt, and helplessness. The codependent doesn’t actually control anyone; they’re just trying to calm their own panic. They cling to the idea that if they do enough, if they speak convincingly enough, if they forgive again and again, then the addict will stop. But this belief is a trap. Because you can’t control the other person’s consumption.