Codependency is a psychological phenomenon that involves a pattern of behavior in which a person defines their self-worth and happiness through excessive concern for someone else, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. This type of relationship often manifests itself between a codependent and an addict, whether it is a substance addiction, self-destructive behaviors, or even emotional abuse. In this article, we will explore what codependency is, how it develops, and the dynamics of the relationship between a codependent and an addict.

What is codependency?

Codependency is defined as an excessive need to control, help, or support another person, usually someone who is experiencing significant difficulties. The codependent frequently sacrifices their own interests for the good of the other, finding meaning in their life through this role as a “savior” or “caregiver.”

This dynamic often occurs in relationships with people who have addictions, such as alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, or even emotional dependency. The addict tends to rely on the support provided by the codependent, which creates an unhealthy relationship of interdependence.

How does codependency develop?

Codependency often has its roots in childhood, in family environments where emotions are not managed healthily. A child who grows up in a dysfunctional family—with abusive, alcoholic, or emotionally distant parents—learns to suppress their own needs in order to keep the peace or gain approval. Thus, codependents often become adults who feel responsible for the happiness and well-being of others, believing that their value is directly related to what they can offer others.

Another factor that contributes to the development of codependency is the lack of a solid identity. Codependents tend to feel incomplete or useless if they are not involved in saving or supporting others.

The relationship between the codependent and the addict

The relationship between a codependent and an addict is a deeply unbalanced one. Each plays a role that keeps the other stuck in an unhealthy pattern:

The role of the codependent. The codependent takes responsibility for the well-being of the addict. He or she sacrifices himself or herself to help the addict overcome difficulties, whether that means covering up their mistakes, solving their problems, or minimizing the consequences of their actions. For example, a codependent might justify the addict’s self-destructive behavior or even take on the addict’s financial debts.

This need for control and sacrifice gives the codependent a false sense of power and personal worth. However, in the long run, their efforts do not lead to real change, but only perpetuate the problem.

The role of the addict. The addict, on the other hand, relies on the codependent to maintain their lifestyle without having to fully face the consequences of their own choices. This allows them to avoid responsibility and remain stuck in their addiction.

The addict may develop a parasitic relationship with the codependent, in which they expect the codependent to solve all their problems, thus reinforcing the vicious cycle of the relationship.